10 rules for dating my daughter....

Selvom min datter kun er godt 2 år, så kan jeg jo lige så godt forberede mig på livet, som far for en teenage datter.

Jeg fandt disse 10 simple men effektive regler..
Overvejer om de skal lamineres og sættes på fordøren, så snart hun bliver teenager....

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

Et par gode råd fra en ægtemand.....

Jeg faldt lige over nedenstående "læserbrev".
Som ægtemand kan man jo kun nikke forstående til de problemstillinger, som manden må gå igennem. :)

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older,

it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try not to yell at them.

Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Terry.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Terry to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don't yell at her.

Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable.

I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.

But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of ageing is complaining, I think?

For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.

I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.

That way she won't have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.

She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard.

I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.

I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.

And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terry.

I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.

Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife because of this article,

I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed,
Jim


EDITOR'S NOTE: 
Jim died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife Terry was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defence that Jim, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

Hvor er Ball trøjerne blevet af...?

80'erne....!

Sikke en æra. Og hvor var det fedt at være barn/ung i 80'erne.

Meget af det, som var sejt den gang, er bare SÅÅÅÅ kikset idag.

Og dog..... En ting bør og skal genopstå........

De legendariske Ball trøjer...

Hvor var de fede...

Men hvor er de nu....?

Jeg har googlet og googlet og det tætteste, jeg er kommet på et resultat, var at nogle nordmænd ville relancere det. Men firmaet nu gået konkurs. 

Den første person som skaffer mig en trøje, vinder et Commodore 64 spil.....:)